Even though the Peace Corps has been what I have thought about doing for several years now, having that nomination makes it much more real than I would have realized and with that reality comes more fears and hesitations in trying to really think through what I will be jumping into. The possible living situations, safety, emotional support (through the long-distance communication), making new relationships at training and in my community, and the teaching position to which I may be assigned - all of these are unknowns, at least to an extent, which makes it scary. However, through these considerations and really thinking through what I may want and how I can handle these things, I have come to several realizations about myself.
One is something that I already knew, but now just realize to a deeper level, and that is how much I rely on my friends for emotional support and validation. This became much more obvious to me this past weekend when several of my closest friends expressed more concerns and hesitations than I had previously heard or expected. Receiving those reactions when I was expecting, or at least hoping for more positive support, was difficult and gave me a lot to think about. And in recognizing my reaction to that input made me realize that I really need to think about what I want and don't need to rely on the validation and confidence from everyone else. And, don't get me wrong, I don't believe at all that these opinions should be disregarded in the least, but I also don't believe that they should completely direct my decisions.
Also, in addition to realizing how much I depend on others for confirmation, I also am realizing how much more I need to learn to turn to God and trust in Him to get me through everything and lead me down the right path. If I do end up in a small town in Africa, I need to trust him to either provide those relationships that will help get me through the tough times, or the strength to get through it otherwise. Overall, it's still a lot to think about, but I'm feeling better about things now that I'm trying to think through things on my own.
In other news, life at school as been plugging along as usual. ADPi party was a lot of fun last night, though BB King's made us stand outside for 20-30 minutes in the cold before they let us in the venue... that wasn't so great. But the Rep your state costumes were a lot of fun. Then scrimmaging with the Western Kentucky and Nashville/USN ladies was great! Lots of good practice for tournaments later in the semester.
Fun tidbit for the day:
In honor of Jessica Jackley, founder of Kiva who came and spoke at Vanderbilt earlier this week.
http://vimeo.com/16991128
Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!
Sav
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